Inheritance. This is the word often associated with what we leave behind for our kids. Sadly, this is generally referenced in the context of financial or property transfers from parent to child. Obtaining financial wealth can be great, and often comes at times when the receiver can benefit from it the most. More times than not, however, this type of inheritance is short-lived and dissolves quickly with new challenges and desires that life throws at us. I do not believe money is evil, but I also believe that money has little to do with our ability to contribute favorably to society.
Just like monetary inheritance, life is short-lived. The older I get, the more I realize exactly how short it is. Our time on this revolving mass of dirt and water will end soon. If we’ve prepared appropriately, what follows will be something so amazing and intangible that we can’t even comprehend the very basics of it. However, THIS life is tangible and full of opportunity. Our greatest opportunity is leaving a legacy of respect, integrity, confidence, humility, and kindness. This type of inheritance can transcend generations.
Raising a kid can be compared to growing a garden. If you dedicate time and effort into the groundwork and maintenance, your crops will grow strong and better prepared to weather the storms. There are no off days, as our words and actions are always under review, even when we think no one is watching. Our kids are a culmination of the best and worst qualities of their surroundings. Fortunately, we have the opportunity to be a part of these surroundings.
Our daughters grow up fast, and boys/men will come in and out of their lives. The one man that will always be there, is her father. Hopefully, my daughter will meet the right man and eventually marry and start her own family. By the time this happens, most of her formative years will be behind her. The relationship that we have today, will no doubt have an impact on how successful her marriage will be.
Being a father is work, but it’s not a job. A job is a choice. Fatherhood is a fortunate responsibility. Like our work, fatherhood is what you make of it and the rewards come as a direct result of the effort you put into it.
I believe there are specific things you can do that will not only improve your daughter’s future success but also create a bond that will remain with both of you for life.
Be Actively Present - Are you really surprised that this is listed first? Our daughters needs us to be actively interested and involved in their lives. This is not a daily conversation about how their day went. This is, however, participation in our daughters interests, activities, and hobbies.
If you are reading this, it is highly likely that your daughter has an interest in cheer, stunt, or even dance. Take the time to learn about this activity. Learn what success looks like, and how to prepare for that success. Learn about failure, and how to help her rebound from setbacks. Chances are that you will also find interest in this activity as you learn more about it. This is exactly what I did, and why a good friend of mine and I wrote The Cheer Dad’s Survival Guide. Cheerleading is a crazy world and something that I have learned to love alongside our daughter.
Be Supportive - We will not always agree with every decision our daughters make, and that’s ok. What’s not ok, is choosing our values over theirs and not supporting their decisions. Obviously, this is all pending that no one is at risk of harm. We have to let our daughters make decisions as the results are all a part of the growing and learning process. When we wholeheartedly support our daughters, we help them to develop strong self-esteem and self-positivity. We don’t have to always agree with our daughters. But we should show that we believe them as people and we have confidence in their decisions and capabilities.
Be Trustworthy - Trust is a big one for me. Trust is given and earned, and my personal circle of trust is pretty small. Our daughters will generally go to their mothers for confidential conversations, which is fully understandable. When they do come to us to discuss personal issues and problems, they need to know that they will be treated with confidence and respect. We may not always be able to relate fully, but we can listen and offer what guidance and knowledge we have. Considering the small window of time where these opportunities exist, it is possible that handling a situation like this inappropriately could make it the last opportunity.
Be an Example of a Husband - The very first relationship your daughter will experience is the one between you and your wife. Any disrespect or abuse (physical or emotional), could become what your daughter will expect from her marriage. I expect any man to treat my daughter with respect and security, and she will only expect that if that is what she sees in my relationship with my wife.
The small things you do in everyday life do not go unnoticed by those around you. Hold her hand, do the dishes, and open her door. Put her needs above yours, and your needs will never go uncared for. Ecclesiastes 9:9 is one of my favorite bible verses. In summary, it tells us to live life to the fullest, and do so with your wife. Life is the greatest gift we have, and our wives are the greatest part of that life!
Be a Spiritual Leader - Pray with your daughter. It can be as simple as that. God should also be a part of our discussions with our kids, as He influences and directs many of the decisions that we make. We should be the spiritual head of our households, and part of that responsibility is ensuring our kids have an appropriate religious education. The answers to all of life’s problems can be found in one book, and using that book as a guide is a great foundation.
Our relationship with God should be open and something we discuss with our families, including our daughters. God demonstrates the unconditional love He has for us, and we should do the same for our daughters. Love that is unconditional allows our daughters to know that regardless of how bad they mess up, we will be there. We are not there to ridicule or demean, but we are there to forgive.
Be a Role Model - Is it just me, or does it seem like the number of positive male role models in this life is dwindling? There are many daughters that lack any role models at all. As a father, we should set the standard for all other men in our daughter's lives.
Being a positive role model will help her choose a good husband one day. Being a role model often takes some self-reflection. What habits should I be working on? Do I need to work on my own relationship with my wife? How is my relationship with God? This reflection process is important for our daughters to see and experience. It shows that we are willing to examine our own life and make changes that will make us better people. This is also a great example of us taking responsibility for our actions.
I was raised under the principle of leaving a place better than I found it, and this is the type of inheritance that makes the entire family richer.
